1. My perpetually platonic, chit-chatty conversation-caddy: Hannah Goddamn Lawson! She’s one of my very best friends and practically family. I can come to her about anything and she knows she can always do the same with me.
2. My roommate, best-friend, and all around man buddy: Joey Price. We have our tiffs from time to time but we always seem to come to some happy compromise. My only hope is that we can both mature together into successful and responsible adults, while still experiencing life to the outermost edge of the social horizon.
3. It’s hard to talk about you.
4. To the woman who helped shape me into the thoughtful, and responsible man I am today: my mom, Janet Hunter Huff. I know I haven’t always been the son I should have been, I’m happy that we’re growing closer as we get older. Throughout my life, always and always, you are with me.
5. Myself. Not to sound like a pompous, conceited asshole, but it’s absolutely true. I care about myself. In fact, I think it’s a fairly healthy relationship. I know I’m not the most handsome or intelligent guy, but I’ve found a level of confidence with my current persona. I’m sweet and deep and always filled with willowly words to write. If only I could be happy as the scenes I create.
1. I wish we never moved in together when we were kids. You were never who I wish you were and we could never make it work. I’m happy with how things ended, I just wish it would have happened sooner.
2. I wish I could take back every night that never meant anything. All the drunken, half-remembered thoughts and blazingly broken promises. All the cheap paper napkins and slurred secrets. I just wish these nights would fade into the darkness.
3. I wish I was a better son and never treated you the way I did. I know things were never easy when I was growing up, but I’m happy I had someone as special as you in my life. When I’m older, I’d like to be one of those happy families on board game boxes and in basic cable commercials.
4. I wish I never pushed you away. I was young and stupid; just a kid, and didn’t know what I wanted. When things got serious, I made some careless decisions and now I’m left picking up the jagged pieces (constantly cutting into my conscious). I wish I could forget you, but then there’d be nothing left.
5. I wish we never met.
6. I could go on for hours with moments I regret and things I wish I had never done, but those things are in the past and there’s nothing I can do about it. The healthiest thing I can do with my life is be happy with who I am and always strive for the person I want to become. I will be happy one day, I just don’t know when.
I’ve been having these weird dreams lately (am I awake?). The kind of absent minded thoughts which take you away from your warm bed, and parade around your mind like a curious circus of wild elephants (where am I?). Each night is a new episode in the never ending story of my subconscious. (This can’t be) a performance which is poorly written, badly acted, and over budget.
But, I suppose what really makes these dreams fantastic aren’t the surroundings, but the people within them. (Wait, I know these) people I’ve known and forgotten, who come and go from my life; flickering in and out like a windblown candle (and then they’re) gone. My most recent dreams have been especially euphoric. I’ve been seeing her again (It’s her. She’s here!). More and more with each passing night. She’s always different, and never the same, granting credibility to my rambling thoughts (She looks lovely, doesn’t she?).
Her hair, long and exaggerated, feverishly grasps for my attention like a drowning man. (How enchanting) those tangled locks, swiftly pulling me away from my reality into an ocean of transient thought. With open arms, she hugs me like I’m never coming home and kisses my check (I missed you, too). It’s soft, and warm to the touch. Taking my hand, wandering while wondering if and when this fantasy will collapse, we walk around making forgettable conversation. (Please don’t leave. Please! Just a little longer, I just…).
And then I wake up.
My consciousness floods back to me, replacing fleeting fantasies with bitter reality (Wa__!). My mind begins to ready itself for the coming day, as my wild thoughts slowly slip into a state of weary delirium (Ple___ D__’t!). Until I dream again, I shall remain awake, secretly wishing for night to come early so my thoughts may wander off into the dark recesses of my mind (g__db__, my l__e). In my youth, I’m often taken back to music and reminded of the cherished lines, "A coma might feel better than this". Knowing, in my dreams, I am happy and with you (_____).
Of all the people I know, I feel like I can tell you more than anyone and I never have to feel embarrassed or ashamed. No matter how terrible my day, or how depressed I feel, I know I can always count on you to help get me through my day. You’re the little sister I always wanted and I truly, and deeply, care about you. No matter what, I’ll always be there for you whenever you need me. I love you little sis!
2. To the brother I never had:
While me may have our differences, I know we both care about each other. While I know I may come off as an ass sometimes, you can look through that and see that I’m only trying to help you. Even if things don’t work out, I’m always here if you want to talk to a friend or need a place to stay.
3. To the girl from Glitter Gulch:
There aren’t many people I’d travel across the country to meet, but this girl is at the top of the list. I’ve never had such interesting conversations with a girl I’ve only met once. If you’re ever on the East Coast, I owe you dinner and a tour of my city.
4. To my second mom:
It’s almost eerie how similar you are to my mom. You’re both strong and determined women who aren’t afraid of a little hard work. You’re also interesting and cultured so there’s always something to talk about.
5. To the dad I wish I had:
You weren’t always there for me when I needed you but, now that I’m older, I’m starting to see how hard it was for you to be a good father. While we may not always get along, no matter what, I’ll always love you because you are my dad.
6. To the mom I’m lucky to have:
You are, by far, the most influential family figure in my life. You’ve done more for me than anyone in my life and I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. While I may come off as abrasive and distant at times, It’s only because I’m afraid of letting you in. I don’t want you to see me for what I am and be disappointed with the person I’ve become. I know I can always talk to you whenever I need you and I hope that when I’m a parent, I can be a fraction of how amazing you are to me.
7. To the only girl more stubborn than me:
I’m so unbelievably sorry for how I’ve been treating you lately. We went from the verge of something special, to hardly talking (and it’s entirely my fault). It’s nothing you’re doing, I just have this terrible habit of pushing people away before they can hurt me. I don’t know why I have such a destructive habit, but I wish you knew how much I care about you and how much I truly want you to be happy; even with someone else.
8. To the girl I can never forget:
Oh you. I could ramble on for days about how much I miss having you in my life, and how much I wish I could go back and change things, but I can’t. And that’s all I have to say about that. But, we’ll always have Paris.
9. To my favorite technophile:
It seems like we’ve become such close friends in only a few short months. I’ve told you things that I hardly tell anyone, and you realize this. Honestly, I look up to you as an example: An example of maturing from the the young man I was, into the growing adult I’ve become. Of all the friends I have, you’re one of the most positive influences I have.
So, a friend of mine told me about a poetry reading they have on Sundays at Coffee Underground. I’ve never read any of my material publicly, but I’m excited to hear what people think of my poetry. I’m going to pick a few of my favorite poems and hope for the best. If they’re any good, I’ll write some more for next week and start a collection. I’ve always wanted to write a short book of poems. Maybe this could be the start?